It's when the writing begins that the process appears to be more like an arranged marriage than a love match.
Inspired, the writer writes the first two thousand words of the first draft. He's still on a pink cloud. He goes to bed, gets up the next morning, fires up the laptop and ... wait, WHAT?
An experienced writer will see things like this: Clunkiness. Unwieldyness. Too many shiny-faced, clever little darlings seeking to hijack the process. Too much exposition. Too little natural dialogue. Head hopping. Bad grammar. Execrable punctuation. Misspelled words—lots of them. On its face, this is most definitely NOT what the writer fell in love with, but he knows the story is still there. He will take it to his writers' group willingly, craving those other sets of eyes.
An inexperienced writer will suspect his writing maybe isn't as good as it appeared first blush. He will take it to his writers' group and get feedback from the more experienced writers, and hopefully they will dispense the truth with kindness. He will take what he needs and leave the rest. He may feel a flash of resentment, but he will also see that many of the suggestions are spot-on and he'll intuitively know a good deal of what's been shown to him will help.
A non-writer will not see any of this. If he belongs to a writers' group and submits his work for critique and the writers attempt to remove the scales from his eyes, he will either take offense and storm away in high dudgeon, maybe never to return. Or he will sit and seethe, leaving at the same time as everyone else, maybe never to return. And he'll stop writing.
Or he'll write "at" everyone, finish his work and maybe become a writer just from the process of writing. Many excellent writers have actually started out this way.
Whether a writer submits to a critique group or not, he must get to know his story at deeper and deeper levels. He must let her lead the way as she reveals her characters, point-of-view, plot, pacing, backstory —everything. Then she must let him write. He's drawing her out. Writer and story will find places they cannot stay, but the experiences in those places only serve to enrich the narrative. And the way he cares for her, builds the relationship and learns about her is by writing and writing and writing.
And she will be unlovely a good deal of the time, especially the first draft. There will be lapses in chronology, abrupt changes in characters that don't seem authentic, too much of something, too little of something else, but if her truth is allowed to assert itself, he will fix what needs to be fixed, she will show him more, and they will journey on.
It's actually her "unloveliness" that causes the writer to assert himself, for he knows that if she is to be revealed, it's up to him. But he can't do it without her, for if he forces whatever version of "loveliness" he craves on her, she will be ruined.
In case anyone is interested, here is a book which describes a process for revealing a story that suits the way this writer writes— The 90-Day Novel by Al Watt of the LA Writers' Lab. It's all about embracing the unloveliness, because unloveliness, if tended, is a progress in love.
